


my game buddy

by vgaeu



Series: kinda sad [1]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Loona - Freeform, One Shot, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 04:22:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18438947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vgaeu/pseuds/vgaeu
Summary: After years of constantly hanging out and playing games with her best friend, Hyejoo has to adjust to the absence of Chaewon when she goes to school far away.





	my game buddy

Hyejoo’s phone dinged for the fourth time and she sighed in exasperation, unable to fall back asleep this time. Groping around her bed for her phone, she hit the on button, letting the bright light flood onto her face: 36 unread messages and 19 missed calls. They would not leave her alone. 

 

Hyejoo quickly flipped through her messages, overwhelmed by the constant questions that she was bombarded with. She was fine. She didn’t need any help. She just wanted to be alone. 

 

She let her head hit the pillow again and turned her phone on silent before dropping it back onto her bed and rubbing the crease between her eyebrows.

 

* * *

 

_ Hyejoo and Chaewon were both sprawled on Chaewon’s bed, playing games on their respective consoles. And despite the small bed barely holding the two, Chaewon said nothing, not wanting Hyejoo to return to her own bed that was merely five feet away. She wanted her there. They did not speak but were comforted by each other’s presence, Chaewon’s legs resting on Hyejoo’s. The physical contact was enough.  _

 

_ “Why do you always look so angry?” Chaewon eventually laughed, breaking the hour silence.  _

 

_ “What? I’m not,”  Hyejoo said, finally looking up from her game and realizing that Chaewon had been staring. She had sat up across from Hyejoo without her noticing. _

 

_ Chaewon stamped her thumb onto the crease on her forehead, pushing Hyejoo’s head backwards.  _

 

_ “Then stop frowning!”  _

 

_ Hyejoo swatted Chaewon’s hand away.  _

 

_ “Are you bored now? Is that why you’re annoying me again?” Hyejoo snipped but put down her game nonetheless. She stretched and yelled, extending her hands as far as she could. _

 

_ Chaewon pouted at the comment and slapped Hyejoo’s hands away when they came too close, but before Chaewon would retract her hand, Hyejoo grabbed her by the wrists, ready to fight. _

 

_ This was a game they played often, pushing each other’s arms to see who was the strongest, and as always Hyejoo easily overpowered Chaewon.  _

 

_ “Sooyoung!!!!!” Chaewon yelled out amidst her whining and crying. Hyejoo immediately let go. _

 

_ “Don’t make me come up there!” She yelled from downstairs and they both laughed before Hyejoo rolled up Chaewon’s sleeves to assess the damage.  _

 

_ “Your sister is kind of scary.” Hyejoo confessed, rubbing gently at the red marks on Chaewon’s wrists, attempting to soothe them. _

 

_ “I know. Why else do you think I called her?” Hyejoo jokingly raised a fist, acting as though she wanted to punch Chaewon’s cheeky grin right off of her face.  _

 

_ Chaewon laughed and held her fist with both hands, bringing it down to the bed. She uncurled Hyejoo’s fist and slipped her hand inside, interlocking their fingers.  _

 

_ Hyejoo’s expression softened and she felt a warmth in her chest.  _

 

_ “I wish you could come with me.” Chaewon said softly, not looking up at Hyejoo.  _

 

* * *

 

 

There was a knock on the door. Hyejoo groaned and burrowed herself further beneath the covers. 

 

“Hyejoo, are you okay? Can I come in?” Jiwoo asked cautiously. She ignored her and heard the door knob jiggle against the lock. There was another knock.

 

“Can you please open the door? We’re worried about you.” After receiving no response, hushed arguing ensued outside the door. Then, there was a much more aggressive knock.

 

“Open the door before I open it myself,” Sooyoung said sternly and after a few seconds of silence, Hyejoo heard a key insert into the lock and the doorknob turn.  

 

Jiwoo and Sooyoung stepped into the room and Sooyoung groaned at the sight of clothes and empty water bottles strewn across the floor. The room felt musty and the curtains were drawn so that only a small stream of sunlight peeked through. It appeared as though nothing had been touched or moved for days but the lump in the bed.

 

“Jesus Christ,” Sooyoung muttered, kicking aside a path for them to get to the bed. Jiwoo sat down on the bed beside Hyejoo and placed her hand on the blanket that she was hiding beneath. 

 

“Hey, do you want anything to eat?” No answer. “You have to talk to us please.” Jiwoo looked at Sooyoung with a dejected face and started to tear up. 

 

“Hyejoo, please,” Jiwoo’s voice cracked. Seeing her like this pained Sooyoung and she finally decided that enough was enough. 

 

“We are getting up now.” She demanded, pushing Jiwoo to the side and grabbing Hyejoo.

Despite Jiwoo trying to calm her down, she tore Hyejoo from the sheets that she had so well acquainted herself with and into the bathroom. 

 

Sooyoung released her arm once she stumbled into the restroom and Hyejoo finally looked up at the mirror. It had been merely days but she was shocked and stared at the stranger in the mirror with the dark circles beneath her tired, dull eyes. 

 

Sooyoung looked at Hyejoo and paused for a moment, finally realizing how severely distraught the girl looked. Upon seeing Sooyoung’s concerned look in the mirror, Hyejoo forced herself to grin widely, attempting to wash the sullen expression from her face. It looked so unnatural and pained that she felt a sharp pang in her chest. 

 

Forcing back tears, she stared up, familiarizing herself with the yellow spot where the paint peeled on the ceiling.

 

“Hyejoo….” 

 

“I’m fine now, you can leave. Thank you.” Hyejoo said, refusing to meet Sooyoung’s eyes. She saw her hesitate and open her mouth to say something before deciding against it. Sooyoung lightly squeezed Hyejoo’s arm on the way out before shutting the door. 

 

* * *

 

_ Hyejoo’s phone buzzed and she quickly grabbed it and held it under the desk. She looked up to see if anyone had heard but luckily no one noticed and they all remained fixated on the documentary the teacher was showing. She breathed a sigh of relief before checking her messages. _

 

_ It was Chaewon. _

 

_ “meet me in the front!!!” _

 

_ “i’m in class.” She quickly typed back, occasionally glancing up to make sure she wouldn’t get caught. The teacher was particularly strict and Hyejoo feared getting into any trouble with her.  _

 

_ “i know that’s why i’m at ur school?? hurry up, let’s go!” _

 

_ “just wait for 30 min the class is almost over…”  _

 

_ “.... fine” _

 

_ Hyejoo set her phone back down on the table and returned her attention to the screen. Not ten minutes later, her phone buzzed again. _

 

_ It was Chaewon… again. _

 

_ “where are u”  _

 

_ “i’m in class???”  _

 

_ Hyejoo could not believe this girl. Maybe she should’ve stayed in school instead of dragging people out of it. _

 

_ Then Hyejoo saw her, crawling full speed down the lecture hall, whisper shouting Hyejoo’s name. The other students looked at her in confusion and began to chuckle to one another, pointing at her. Chaewon did not seem to notice, her brows furrowed as she focused completely on her goal.  _

 

_ Hyejoo panicked as she came close and reached an arm out to pull Chaewon by the collar behind her desk. She slipped down from her seat and joined Chaewon on the floor. _

 

_ “What the hell are you doing?” She asked, grabbing Chaewon’s shoulder.  _

 

_ “I’m here to get you. Let’s go!” Chaewon took her hand and began to pull her out from under the desk. _

 

_ “Are you crazy? We are going to get in trouble!”  _

 

_ “No, Hyejoo. We are going to get lunch!” Chaewon laughed quietly before grabbing Hyejoo’s backpack and swinging it over her shoulder, never letting go of the other girl’s hand. Hyejoo knew she could easily shake herself from Chaewon’s grip but the girl had gone through all this trouble.  _

 

_ She finally gave in, crawling with Chaewon out of the class and hoping that something really good was in store. _

 

* * *

 

It really was too much to bear and as soon as the door shut behind her, Hyejoo yelled into her hands, trying to push the pain out of her chest. She felt paralyzed but she would not cry. It had been days and she had not cried and Hyejoo intended to keep it that way. 

 

The whispering outside picked up again but quickly ended and she heard her bedroom door shut. Then, there was a soft knock on the bathroom door. 

 

“Can I come in?” 

 

“Yeah,” Hyejoo said and forcing herself up to open the door for Jiwoo. 

 

Jiwoo took one look at her and pulled her into her arms, resting her chin on the girl’s shoulder. Hyejoo stood stiffly, barely reciprocating the hug.

 

“I love you but you have to take better care of yourself, Hyejoo.” Jiwoo said into her shoulder. Hyejoo nodded. 

 

“I know.” She managed to say. They remained standing there in silence for a few moments before Jiwoo pulled away.

 

“God, you’re stinky. Let’s you cleaned up.” She laughed brightly, wiping away any hint of the tears that had begun forming in her eyes. 

 

After Hyejoo brushed her teeth and showered, she came out to a cleaned floor and an open window. The room was bright once more and the bed was made. It was as if the last few days had never happened. Like Chaewon had never left. 

 

Hyejoo missed her so much.

 

* * *

 

_ It was springtime and cherry blossoms rained from the trees, littering the streets with pink petals.  _

 

_ Chaewon practically dragged Hyejoo by the arm, dancing with the petals and laughing as she caught them in her tiny fists. The park was nearly empty as it was a weekday and everyone was either in school or at work. The world was theirs.  _

 

_ “I feel like a princess!” Chaewon giggled as she attempted to walk elegantly through the flowers.  _

 

_ Hyejoo smiled at her.  _

 

_ After finding a spot with a good view of the trees, Chaewon laid a blanket out in the grass and they both collapsed onto it, tired from the running and dancing.  _

 

_ “Are you hungry?” She said Hyejoo, who immediately perked up, looking over at the picnic basket on the grass. “I cooked lunch.” _

 

_ Hyejoo’s excitement was quickly replaced by hesitance. “You… cooked?” She opened the basket suspiciously to see containers of chicken and rice.  _

 

_ “No! I’m just kidding, I bought it. Let’s eat.” Chaewon said, playfully hitting Hyejoo. Her eagerness returned and they began to feast, oblivious to everything but themselves and their meal.  _

 

_ After they finished eating, Chaewon insisted on pictures and though Hyejoo objected, she took dozens of them on her phone.  _

 

_ “I like that one!” Chaewon pointed, leaning onto Hyejoo’s arm. They were sitting on the blanket going through the photos, Hyejoo exhausted from squatting to get Chaewon in the frame.  _

 

_ “I like it too.” And that was all Chaewon needed to hear before she took Hyejoo’s phone from her and changed her wallpaper to the photo of them amidst the flowers.  _

 

_ “We are so cute!” Hyejoo rolled her eyes and Chaewon laughed, grabbing her with both arms and nuzzling her shoulder. The gesture made Hyejoo giddy but also reminded her of why they were there. It was the last day they had together. She sank a little. _

 

_ Chaewon felt her movement and looked up at Hyejoo. _

 

_ “Did you want to talk about it?”  _

 

_ Hyejoo had difficulty looking at Chaewon. “I’m just sad I won't have anyone to play games with. That’s all.” _

 

_ Chaewon took Hyejoo’s hand into her lap and held it softly with both of her hands.  _

 

_ “I’ll be back before you know it. It’s only for a year and you have Sooyoung and Jiwoo, so they’ll take care of you.”  _

 

_ Hyejoo took a breath before she spoke.  _

 

_ “I know but… it feels like you are all I have.”  _

 

_ Chaewon squeezed her hand and for the first time, the silence between them was unbearable. _

 

* * *

  
  


When Sooyoung reentered the room, Hyejoo was sitting on Chaewon’s bed, staring at her feet. She took a breath and went to sit beside her. 

 

Sooyoung never knew what to say to this girl and though she cared deeply for her, she did not know how to express it. 

 

She remembered the late night that Chaewon burst through the door clinging onto Hyejoo's arm, both of them drenched by the rain. Sooyoung had been sitting in the kitchen, ready to scold her sister for not letting her know where she had gone but seeing the distress on both of their faces shut her up. 

 

* * *

 

“ _ I'll get a towel and some clothes for you to borrow.” Sooyoung said standing up. Chaewon nodded and walked Hyejoo to the bathroom to change.  _

 

_ Once they had both dried up, Chaewon took Hyejoo to her bedroom and came downstairs to talk to Sooyoung.  _

 

_ “What happened?” Sooyoung asked as soon as she saw her sister. _

 

_ “Her parents found out.”  _

 

_ Sooyoung's heart hurt for the girl. She had been in her shoes before, so she understood what it was like to be kicked out for something so stupid.  _

 

_ Who cared if she liked girls? Sooyoung could never understand why people just didn't get it.  _

 

_ She herself had jumped at the opportunity of being kicked out, quickly finding a small apartment to move into with her girlfriend, Jiwoo, before being joined by Chaewon who didn't want to be left alone with their parents.  _

 

_ They were their own family now. They took care of themselves. _

 

_ Chaewon looked at Sooyoung expectantly, playing with her fingers.  _

 

_ Sooyoung sighed, she knew how much Hyejoo meant to Chaewon and understood her situation. She couldn't abandon her.  _

 

_ “Go get a sleeping bag. You two can sleep in the living room tonight. Tomorrow, we will go pick up her stuff from her house and look for a bed for her.”  _

 

_ Chaewon went to hug Sooyoung.  _

 

_ “Thank you.” She said into her shirt before pulling away and heading upstairs to tell Hyejoo the news.  _

 

_ “But, Chaewon.” _

 

_ She stopped her ascent and turned around.  _

 

_ “I want you to go back to school.” Sooyoung said. Chaewon's face dropped as she walked back into the kitchen. She started to open her mouth to protest but Sooyoung spoke again. _

 

_ “Just finish your high school degree. That's all I'm asking for. One more year.”  _

 

_ “I hate the schools here,” Chaewon whined, “I can find a job without a diploma.”  _

 

_ “Then don't go to school here. Go wherever you want and I'll pay for it. Just go back to school. I don't want you washing dishes for the rest of your life.”  _

 

_ Chaewon fell silent.  _

 

_ “I just want you to be able to take care of yourself. You're not going to live with me forever, you know that right?”  _

 

_ “I know.” Chaewon said. “I'll think about it then.”  _

 

_ Sooyoung was satisfied with her answer and let her go.  _

 

* * *

 

“She's coming back today.” Sooyoung said after a pause. 

 

“I know.” Hyejoo muttered under her breath. 

 

Sooyoung looked over at the girl, trying to get her to open up a little bit. 

 

“Do you... have anything you want to bring her when we see her?” 

 

Hyejoo nodded. 

 

“Okay, then let's go.” 

 

* * *

 

_ Evening fell and the darkness began to creep in when Hyejoo suggested they go home. Chaewon had been lying so comfortably on her chest, watching the sky change colors and the stars come out, and Hyejoo's arms were wrapped around her, keeping her warm. She whined a bit, not wanting to move.  _

 

_ “I'm tired and my feet hurt and I'm too cozy. Let's just stay here.” Chaewon muttered.  _

 

_ Hyejoo smiled. “I'll carry you then.” Motivated by this new incentive, Chaewon quickly cleaned up and hopped onto Hyejoo's back.  _

 

_ She carried her the two blocks to their home, Chaewon's head bobbing to the rhythm of Hyejoo's walk.  _

 

_ That night, Sooyoung, Jiwoo, and Hyejoo accompanied Chaewon to the airport, helping her with her suitcase and any forms. When they got to the gate, the reality of it all finally hit Chaewon.  _

 

_ “Sooyoung,” she managed before taking deep breaths, “I don't want to go anymore. I'll find a school around here, I-”  _

 

_ “It's okay, it'll only be a year and you've always wanted to go to Iceland! It'll be a good change of scenery for you.” Sooyoung said to her, holding her tightly. “Plus, I already paid the deposit for the school and it's not refundable.” Chaewon slowly smiled and pulled away before meeting Jiwoo's eyes.  _

 

_ Jiwoo smiled at her and gave her a hug too once she had finished with Sooyoung.  _

 

_ “I'll miss you a lot! You're the only one who knows how to have a little fun in the house so I can't believe you're leaving me alone with-”  _

 

_ Jiwoo was silenced by a look Sooyoung gave her and Chaewon saw as well. They both started laughing and finally it was just Hyejoo and Chaewon left.  _

 

_ “So… I guess this is it for now.” Chaewon said. _

 

_ “Yeah, I guess it is. Bye forever, stranger.”  _

 

_ “No! I'll message you all the time and send pictures of the scenery. But you better not find a new game buddy while I'm gone!”  _

 

_ “I can't make any promises.” Hyejoo laughed.  _

 

_ “Well, you have zero taste in games anyway. Maybe I should find someone who appreciates the art of Animal Crossing instead.”  _

 

_ Hyejoo pretended to be mad so Chaewon went to hug her. They slightly melted into each other's arms, their true feelings finally peeking out.  _

 

_ “I'm going to really miss you.” Hyejoo barely whispered into Chaewon's shoulder.  _

 

_ “I know. I'll miss you too.” Hyejoo kissed her on the cheek before letting her go.  _

 

_ She pulled the handle up for her suitcase and Jiwoo pulled Hyejoo over to her and Sooyoung, the three of them standing together, holding each other.  _

 

_ Chaewon pulled her suitcase and turned around to take one last look at her family before she headed onto the gate. _

 

* * *

 

It was the first time anyone had seen Sooyoung cry. 

 

Despite all the things that had happened to her, Sooyoung always held it together. She had her little family to support so she had to be strong. Even though they had known about the accident for a week, Sooyoung did not react much to anyone's knowledge and spent her time taking care of the other two. But the second she laid eyes on her sister's body in that coffin, she broke. 

 

“I killed you.” she said softly. “This is my fault. I killed you.” Sooyoung began to wail, repeating herself over and over again until Jiwoo came up to the front to take her away. Tears streaming down her own face, she held Sooyoung's head against her chest and let her cry as she rubbed her shoulder. 

 

“You didn't know this would happen. You were just looking out for her.” Jiwoo said, trying to soothe Sooyoung. Her cries only became incomprehensible.

 

Hyejoo would not leave the pew until everyone else had left the church. She just sat there, fiddling with her hands and staring at the box that her best friend was in. 

 

When the place was nearly empty, she finally stood up and walked to the front.

 

It was strange to see her again after so long and it was almost as though she was just sleeping. Hyejoo half expected her to just sit up and flash her that cheeky grin of hers.

 

“Hey.” Hyejoo said. She felt a little uncomfortable standing over Chaewon like that so she pulled a chair over and sat down next to the coffin. “I brought you something.” 

 

She pulled Chaewon's 3DS out from her coat pocket and placed it down next to her arm. 

 

“You're probably going to be really bored and your animals need their mayor so…” Hyejoo trailed off as she begun to feel her eyes sting. 

 

“Sorry.” She laughed, wiping away her tears. “I really missed you. This is so weird.” She felt a familiar pang in her chest but she wanted to keep talking. She had waited so long to.

 

“You were really brave, Chaewon. I don't think I could've gotten on a plane by myself like that. Were you scared?" 

 

Hyejoo sighed and leaned against the box, looking at Chaewon. She wanted to hold her hand so badly but she couldn't. She was too scared to. 

 

The funeral director said that they were closing up the room, so Sooyoung finally came up and whispered a few words to Chaewon before kissing her on the forehead. 

 

She and Jiwoo began to leave and they reached out to Hyejoo to come with them. 

 

Hyejoo looked at Chaewon one last time before joining the others. 

 

* * *

 

A year passed and when Hyejoo was not home for dinner, Sooyoung would find her passed out at Chaewon's grave, her Switch by her side. 

 

“Hyejoo, it's time to go.” she would say, gently shaking the girl. 

 

“I'm playing games with Chaewon.” Hyejoo would mumble sleepily. 

 

And like always, Sooyoung would pick the girl up and carry her home, only to find her there again the next day.

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, sorry about that


End file.
